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Jun 16, 2023

Here Are The Cars You Would Drive Through The Climate Apocalypse

The climate apocalypse is nigh. Just ask any Texan. Or, if your opinion of the Lone Star State and its residents is less than flattering, then ask any scientist worth their salt. Earth is undergoing

The climate apocalypse is nigh. Just ask any Texan. Or, if your opinion of the Lone Star State and its residents is less than flattering, then ask any scientist worth their salt. Earth is undergoing indisputable changes, and our habits and behaviors have definitely played a role. So, we wanted to know what your vehicles of choice would be when things start to look a bit too Thunder Dome.

But the answers were less Mad Max, less Mazda Miata, less Hyundai, and more Waterworld. It turns out a lot of you are planning to retire to a life of leisure on the water if climate change ever goes too far.

We may or may not be past that point of no return, and it’s not clear whether we might have to bail or flee in some form sooner rather than later. Let’s hope not. In any case, we asked Jalopnik readers what their getaway vehicle would be in the climate apocalypse and these were their answers:

2 / 18

Wouldnt get a car. I would get a sailing yacht with an electric motor and enough solar panels to keep it powered when I had to use it and the batteries powering the electrics especially the watermaker. With ample supply of fishing gear.

Submitted by: ikaiyoop

3 / 18

Same here. Pelagic or Pelagic Australis are the perfect prototypes. ATOA ready, mild steel hull, retractable keel and rudder. Expedition sailing vessels are built for exploring in any conditions.

Submitted by: BrianMadigan

4 / 18

Anything on the GMT800 chassis. This was the truest form of the old American adage: It’ll run poorly for longer than any other car will run. On cold starts, the 5.3 Vortec makes this hilarious ticking noise that sounds like it’s about to eat its own valves. But don’t fret: it did that when it rolled off the line in Janesville, and it’ll sound the exact same the first time you start it after it hits 300k.

Furthermore, because they made a gazillion of these between all the Chevy/GMC/Cadillac pickup/SUV variants, there’s more parts around for them than anyone could ever know what to do with. Easiest/cheapest reliable rides to keep running, bar none.

Submitted by: Mosko

5 / 18

small, light, home made EV... something that runs on a multiple of 12v (probably 48v), easy to find or make batteries for... it’ll last longer than gas... wont wear down tires as fast. the smaller it is, the less solar I’d need to keep it juiced up.

[...]

this was my first creation. pedal powered, electric assist. I’m working on something a little bigger (and more wheels) right now with a little more power (still pedal assist).

Submitted by: redneckrob and his flock of Volvos

6 / 18

The last of the V-8s

[...]

Submitted by: Bob

Exactly the answer I have. We’ve all seen the movie, we all know the answer

Submitted by: hoser68

7 / 18

Unimog.

Endless variations out there to compete with whatever the Earth can throw at it. Parts are available globally so that makes it a world beater for me.

If Mother Nature is pissed and the Unimog can’t get you there, you have bigger fish to fry.

Submitted by: 900turbo

8 / 18

A horse.

How am I the first to select this as the ultimate post-apocalypse means of transportation? Gas will run out—quickly. And for the short time it lasts, availability will be spotty. And if you’re heading into the wild, there won’t be any gas at all.

Not an issue with a horse. Plus: horse has a 1 hp engine that never needs oil changes!

I don’t own a horse and haven’t even sat on one in over 40 years but it’s the obvious choice.

Submitted by: NotLewisHamilton

9 / 18

Those who selected a sail boat w/solar/wind/hydro electrical generation capabilities are probably the most right.

But if I were land locked, I’ll steal the answer I saw from when Jalopnik asked a similar question a few years ago (2015 “The ten best cars for the last person on earth”): railroad repair truck. Its a heavy duty, full sized pickup, 4 wheel drive, usually diesel. With a rack body and most importantly, dual mode (rail + highway) capability.

As the commenter who posted this last time made clear, most likely the roads will be plugged up with stranded vehicles, you’ll want an alternative.

Submitted by: OldManMcKenna

10 / 18

The answer to most of these quizzes (with the exception of sports-car handling requirements) is the same. The answer has been lurking there, waiting, for 50 years, and it will be the same in 50 years. Landcruiser. It’s the most reliable vehicle probably ever produced.

They don’t know how long they last, because the first one hasn’t died yet.

Submitted by: BuzzwordBingo

11 / 18

Small dual-sport motorcycle, obviously.

Submitted by: Bruce Steever

12 / 18

If we are talking a genuine apocalypse, then I’m going with a bike.

An EV depends on a functioning electrical grid, so no. An ICE depends on fuel, which goes bad in about 6 months. Plus those are just one more resource that you’d need to constantly be on the lookout for (fuel, charging plug-in).

Specifically, I’d go with a bike that is as unfutzy as possible (so no high end carbon full suspension mountain bike with electronic shifting).

Single speed rigid mountain bike. Probably steel. Get it with a flip-flop hub so if the brakes go out I can ride it as a fixie and just control speed with my legs. Spare parts would probably fit in a backpack.

Kona Unit would fit the bill.

Old school Surly 1 x 1 would work too.

Chumba Yaupon would be rad. If it is good enough for Alexandera Houchin to set records on the Tour Divide, it should hold up to me putzing around in an apocalypse.

Can you tell I’m shopping for bikes?

Submitted by: Wierdisgood

And...

a bicycle

Submitted by: Ken.Moromisato

13 / 18

not a car...Kawasaki KLR

Submitted by: Scott the Stagehand

And...

Hayes M1030-M1 (Basically a Kawasaki KLR which runs on diesel/JP8/kerosene/whatever you can burn):

[...]

Alternatively, an electric dual sport bike with a solar charger kit (charge during the day while hiding, travel at night in stealth).

Submitted by: towman

14 / 18

As long as we have some semblance of roads, i’ll stick with my sure-footed Ridgeline.

If off-road, then i’d probably go with the diesel Roxor, now that it can be sold in the U.S. again. It’s the closest thing we’ll get to the simplicity and utility of the old Jeep of 50 years ago along with somewhat modern reliability. Bonus points if they give us the PTO model.

Submitted by: Grasscatcher2

15 / 18

The Dobbertin Surface Orbiter

[...]

Last seen in 2004, sold to a collector in Chicago

Submitted by: Earthbound Misfit I

16 / 18

Because I don’t like water, I’ll suffer on land with this:

(Kinja’d pic of Jimny here)

But…it’ll be converted into an EV, with ample solar cells to keep it charged. It’s small and light, doesn’t need roads, but is boxy enough to live out of and hold the batteries.

Submitted by: dolsh

17 / 18

Blazing hot sun overhead all the time?

[...]

Have fun fighting over the remaining oil and gas, suckers!!!

Submitted by: Knyte

18 / 18